RELATIONSHIP FROM GOD’S PERSPECTIVE

RELATIONSHIP FROM GOD’S PERSPECTIVE
Relationships Are Based On Spiritual Unity

God thinks about you.

Psa 139:16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. 17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!

Matt 10:29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. 30 But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.

What do you think that God thinks about you?

God wants a relationship with you and sent His Son Jesus in order to have a relationship with you.

Rom 5:1 Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God….8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Do you have a relationship with God? Have you accepted God’s payment in Christ for your sin and believe by faith that Jesus Christ is your Savior? Does your spouse think that you are a believer?

Underline what comes after the “we” statements in Romans 5 above, and explain what you think those statements mean to the best of your ability.

If I am to have a relationship with God and others I must know how to maintain and repair my relationship with God and others. Confession and repentance are the means to repairing relationships.

Confession and admittance of guilt is an important aspect of repentance. No one escapes wrong attitudes or actions toward others during conflicts; therefore, it’s important to fully confess thoughts and/or behavior in order for God to bring reconciliation. If we are not careful our attitudes will not reflect the sorrow for what we have done, in fact the Bible states that “godly sorrow brings about repentance 2 Cor 7:10. Additionally and just as importantly, we must also be willing to show love, mercy and compassion toward those who confess and repent toward us. We must want to confess and repent and be willing to accept a sorrowful mate.

Repentance is seeing your sin as God sees and describes it in the Bible, and being so repulsed by that sin that you have a change of heart and mind about that sin, turning from it, turning to God for mercy from pending judgment, never to return to it again. This type of repentance is fundamental in restoring relationships. [1]

Seeing our sin like God does is important. Example: I saw my sin: “ name sin”________, like God saw it and I turned in repentance this way: _(action)_______.

When I speak of seeing sin like God sees sin, I am referring to how God exposes sin according to His Word (the Bible) in one’s life.

Be aware that attitudes, words, tones, and behavior communicate what is in your heart. Do not trivialize, excuse, redirect or soften your sin. Sin is a transgression against God; however He stands ready to forgive you in mercy and in love. Turn to God for forgiveness and then toward your mate. Our God is greater than sin; His grace is greater than our sin. Rom 5:20, 21

Mat 15:18 But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. 19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. 20 These are what defile a person. But to eat with unwashed hands does not defile anyone.”

Psa 51:4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment.

1Jn 3:4 (ESV) Everyone who makes a practice of sinning also practices lawlessness; sin is lawlessness. (KJV)….sin is the transgression of the law.

Sin is a disregard for God’s authoritative Law, it is “lawlessness”. Sin at its core is the dethronement of God and His authority in preference for enthroning self. Disregarding God’s law enthrones self as the ultimate authority in one’s life effectively choosing what you want in life. “Pride seeks to un-god God.”[2] When a person truly repents, what David said in Psalm 51 resonates with them at the heart level; they are humbled and confess from the heart their sin. True confession and repentance is an issue of the heart and is accomplished within the heart before God. It is casting off pride and putting on humility before God and man.

Prov 4:23 Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.

You may or may not think that you need to repent in some way in your relationship. What are your thoughts about repentance in your relationship?

Where might pride be manifested in your relationship?

Marriage is for our good, but it is first for God’s glory.

“That may seem odd, surprising, or difficult to accept, but it’s a vital truth for every Christian married couple. A church service can inject religious formalities into a wedding, but to make God the authority for marriage is a daily reality.” [3]

“How easy it is to act as if husband and wife are the only relevant parties in a marriage. But marriage is ultimately about God. Moreover, marriage is most amazing not because it brings people joy, or allows for a nurturing environment for children, or because it stabilizes society (even though it does all those things). Marriage is awesome because God designed it to display his glory. The focus of a thriving marriage is the glory of God.” [4]

1 Cor 10:31 So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

If marriage is all about God, and God’s goal for marriage is for His glory, in what ways should a person demonstrate this as a personal goal in their marriage?

Marriage of love, unity, and understanding is not rooted in romance; it is rooted in worship.

“Worshiping God as creator in your marriage means that when you look at your husband or wife, when you consider your spouse’s personality and gifts, and when you think about how differently he or she is hardwired from you, you will celebrate the glory of God as creator, expressed in who he designed your spouse to be. This should cause you to celebrate your spouse and the way in which your perspective has been broadened and your life enhanced by the marriage, and it will protect you from ever wanting to clone your spouse into your image.[5]

First have you considered worshiping God within your marriage? Secondly have you considered your mate as a unique creation of God?

It is essential that a husband and wife have spiritual unity that is based on unity with God.

This unity is first based on the fact that they are both members of God’s family and therefore indwelt by the same Spirit. Unity in marriage manifests itself in many ways. There is the unity of a biblical worldview, of authority of the Bible, of theological persuasion, of Christian experience, to name just a few.

“It is very powerful when you are around someone who shares deeply held theological beliefs with you. It is very powerful when you are with someone who seeks in every way to look at life through the lens of Scripture. It is very powerful to be with someone as God is making his Word understandable and relevant to you both. It is very powerful to be in services of worship where you are led to celebrate God’s life-changing grace.”[6]

How do you think that this this kind of (unity) can overshadow the differences in your marriage?

Relationships Must Have A Healthy View Of God

Marriage is ultimately about God.

“Marriage was not just invented by God, it belongs to God. He has a unique claim over its design, purpose, and goals. It actually exists for him more than it exists for you and me and our spouses. That’s right. Marriage is not first about me or my spouse. Obviously, the man and woman are essential, but they are also secondary. God is the most important person in a marriage.”[7]

If the underlined portion is true, where is God in your relationship?

What we believe about God determines the quality of our marriage.

“The most profound thing that shapes anybody’s worldview is their understanding of God. What a person believes about God determines what he or she thinks about how we got here, what our ultimate meaning is, and what happens after we die. So essentially our worldview, our perspective on life, is determined by our perspective on God. And when we talk about theology, all we are talking about is what we think about God. What you truly believe about God and what it means to live for God is your theology.”[8]

What kind of shaping influences has your belief in God had on your marriage?

Marital harmony is not a mystical gift it is a byproduct of our theology, what we know about God.

It is “a set of commitments that forges itself into a moment-by-moment lifestyle.” [9] “How a husband and wife build their marriage day-by-day and year-by-year is fundamentally shaped by their theology. It governs how you think, what you say, and how you act. Your theology governs your entire life. And it determines how you live in your marriage.”[10] Theology is basically the study of God or the study of the nature of God. It is simply an attempt to understand God as He is revealed in Scripture.

What does commitment look like to you based on what you know about God?

Mutual agreement and commitment with each other, in the form of love, trust and respect, are framed within and are byproducts of what you think about God and the Bible.

“It’s a wonderful, freeing thing to realize that the durability and quality of your marriage is not ultimately based on the strength of your commitment to your marriage. Rather, it’s based on something completely apart from your marriage: God’s truth; truth we find plain and clear on the pages of Scripture.”[11]

Relationships Must Have A Healthy View Of Our Differences And Our Identity

You are different but it is ok to be different.

“Here’s where all this leads: unity in marriage is not the result of sameness. You will never ever be exactly the same as your spouse. God has designed that you will be married to someone different from you. Unity is, rather, the result of what husband and wife do in the face of the inevitable differences that exist in the lives of every married couple.” [12]

So, what are you to do with the differences between you and your spouse, which constantly confront you in your marriage?

Marriage is a life style change where you lose your identity and mold it together with another.

“Because of your confidence in God, you can move toward your spouse and not be afraid to do this because, although you love your spouse, you don’t get your identity, purpose in life, and inner sense of well-being from him or her. You get that from the Lord, and because you trust him, you can build trust with your spouse.”[13]

1 Cor 3:23 and you are Christ’s, and Christ is God’s.

2 Cor 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

Col 3:1 If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. 3 For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.

Where do you find your identity? In whom you are? In what you do, In (_______).

We are all self-centered spouses who are married to self-centered spouses.

“That is what it means to be body-bound souls who always have ourselves as the center of our world and are corrupted by sin, most naturally thinking of our own interests. But there are cases when this “general self-centeredness” becomes chronic—severe to a point that results in a marital environment of either abuse or neglect.”[14]

In what ways have either you or your mate been self-centered?

Relationships Must Have A Healthy View Of Conflict

Marriage reconciliation must be a lifestyle, not just the response you have after things go bad. In Job we read 5:7 but man is born to trouble as the sparks fly upward. Be on guard, have a redemptive and grace driven relationship. Trouble is always lurking, be prepared and guard your hearts. Pr 4:23

“Consider why this must be the case. If you are a sinner married to a sinner—and you are—then it is very dangerous and potentially destructive to allow yourself to coast as a couple. You simply will not live a day together where no act of thoughtlessness, self-interest, anger, arrogance, self-righteousness, bitterness, or disloyalty will rear its ugly head. Often it will be benign and low-level, but it will still be there.”[15]

What do you understand about our own personal sin nature and its effects on your marriage?

“We are often more focused on what the other is failing to do and more focused on waiting for him to get his act together than we are on our own commitment to doing whatever is daily necessary to make our marriages what God intended them to be.”[16]

Are you more focused on your mate “getting their act together”, than your own “act together”?

If you live with the right view of conflict you will not be disappointed with your mate.

Conflict is a part of our marital relationships because of our sinfulness. Remember this; God settled the greatest conflict on earth, the conflict between God and man.

Rom 5:10 For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life.

Col 1:21 And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds,

Jn 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

Since Jesus Christ settled the ultimate and greatest conflict on earth by dying on the cross, He can and will make it possible to settle your marital conflicts.

Relationships Must Have A Healthy View Of Commitment

God equips us for relationship and provides the ability to have committed relationships.

2 Cor 5:14 For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; 15 and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised. 16 From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 18 All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; 19 that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. 20 Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. 21 For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Verse 14, Committed to being controlled by the love of Christ. (love of Christ controls us)

14 For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died;

Verse 15, Committed to a proper view of death to self. To the death we must all die. (not living for self but for Him)

15 and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.

Verse 16, Committed to a proper world view. (a spiritual perspective)

16 From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer.

Jesus has changed every area of human evaluation; salvation allows believers to view all of life and history in a new Christ-centered light, from a different perspective—a spiritual perspective not a physical “flesh” perspective.

Verse 17, Committed to living within the empowerment of our new nature. (new creation – new person perspective)

17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

Verse 18-20, Committed to aid those needing reconciliation, through a life of being reconciled ourselves. (desire to reconcile)

18 All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; 19 that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. 20 Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.

Verse 21, Committed to humbly recognizing the ultimate cost of our sin that produced the ultimate place of righteousness before God. (Christ sacrifice for you – Christ imputed righteousness in us – it’s all about Him)

21 For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

How do you think you can apply these truths to your marriage?

What Missed Placed Commitments Look Like

First if you live for yourself you have a misplaced reason for living.

Lk 9:23 And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.

Gal 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

If you live for improper values you have a misplaced reason for living.

Mk 12:30 And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ 31 The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

If you live for possessions you have a misplaced reason for living.

Matt 6:19 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, 20 but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.

If you live for a person you have reason for living.

Col 3:4 When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

What Properly Placed Commitments Look Like

If you live with an understanding of God’s divine order you will have harmony.

Eph 5:21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.

Eph 5:33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Tit 2:1 But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine.

2 OLDER MEN are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness.

3 OLDER WOMEN likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good,

YOUNG WOMEN: 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

YOUNG MEN 6 Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. 7 Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, 8 and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us.

EMPLOYEES: 9 Bondservants are to be submissive to their own masters in everything; they are to be well-pleasing, not argumentative, 10 not pilfering, but showing all good faith, so that in everything they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior.

CHRISTIANS: 11 For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, 12 training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, 13 waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, 14 who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works. 15 Declare these things; exhort and rebuke with all authority. Let no one disregard you.

Basics For Being Willing To Commit To Your Marriage
Circle Agree Or Disagree And Share With Your Spouse.

Commitment 1: We will give ourselves to a regular lifestyle of confession and forgiveness. Agree/disagree

Commitment 2: We will make growth and change our daily agenda. Agree/disagree

Commitment 3: We will work together to build a sturdy bond of trust. Agree/disagree

Commitment 4: We will commit to building a relationship of love. Agree/disagree

Commitment 5: We will deal with our differences with appreciation and grace. Agree/disagree

Commitment 6: We will work to protect our marriage.[17] Agree/disagree

You may need to clarify or work through one or more of these commitments. Give yourself time to write down questions or concerns regarding one or more of these commitments, be sure to reference by number which commitment you are addressing.

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[1] Brad Hilgeman homework, Confession & Repentance bah.docx

[2]Thomas Watson is quoted to have said, “Pride seeks to un-god God.”

[3] When Sinners Say “I Do”, Dave Harvey

[4] ibid

[5] ibid

[6] ibid

[7] ibid

[8] ibid

[9] ibid

[10] ibid

[11] ibid

[12] What Did You Expect ?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage Paul David Tripp

[13] ibid

[14] Self-Centered Spouse: Help for Chronically Broken Marriages, Brad C. Hambrick

[15] What Did You Expect ?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage Paul David Tripp

[16] ibid

[17] ibid

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