Marriage is? It is impossible to reference all the diverse and multifaceted answers to that question. From a strictly secular point of view the definition is layered with different kinds of cultural marriage expression and contractual arrangement commitment. A short research of secular thought on marriage yields these few results. “Marriage is a culturally recognized union between people called spouses”, “Marriage is the process by which two people make their relationship public, official, and permanent”, “is a formal union and social and legal contract between two individuals that unites their lives legally, economically, and emotionally“, “is the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law”, “marriage is an acceptance, a total acceptance of another’s life”, “a legally recognized social contract between two people, traditionally based on a sexual relationship and implying a permanence of the union”.
All these things are true in the sense that with marriage we are obligating ourselves to a person, and we are equally sharing life together consensually. However, the Bible makes the definition of marriage clearer by focusing on the who and what of marriage. The who is the male and female, the what is the one flesh relationship. Genesis 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Jesus reinforces what marriage is by restating the Genesis account. Matthew 19:4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
This joining of two separate entities into one flesh is further elaborated upon in Scripture in a fuller more personal way. Ephesians 5:28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church. Here the Scripture is placing tension on personalizing the theology of marriage as a one flesh relationship. Since you are one body/one flesh you will naturally nourish and cherish your one body/one flesh relationship as you do your own personal body. It further anchors this fact by stating, “just as Christ does the church”. Christ nourishes and cherishes His body the church, He sustains and treasures us as one in Him.
So, we could say then that marriage is instituted and formed by God as a sacred and mutual bond between a man and a woman creating a one flesh relationship. Everything else about marriage hangs on this core definition within God’s structure and creative order. The man and woman bonding together in a one flesh relationship. Under the heading of this core definition we can then say that marriage is a covenant promise between a man and a woman sanctioned by God and witnessed by those attending the marriage ceremony. A couple makes a covenant promise between one another before God and before witnesses. This is a serious and solemn binding oath before God, as well as a responsibility toward those who are witnesses. Those who are present should forever after encourage the couple to stay true to the oath they made to each other before God, and to those who witnessed their promises.
“The most foundational thing we can say about marriage is that it is God’s doing. It’s his doing: because it was his design in creation; because he personally gave away the first bride in marriage; because he spoke the design of marriage into existence: leave parents, hold fast to your wife, become one flesh; and because this one-flesh union is established by God himself in each marriage.” [i]
Jesus and Paul reference Genesis 2:24 reemphasizing the importance of the dynamic of the one flesh marital union. Paul calls this a mysterious bonding of two into one flesh. Ephesians 5:31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. Marriage is more than a civil ceremony, it is a covenant relationship between God and the couple, one where God mysteriously bonds together two as one. Everything else that marriage is, is placed under the one flesh structure. Everything that God has said, and that the Bible teaches about marriage is within this context.
If we stop for a moment and think about the one flesh relationship that God created at matrimony, and how it speaks to the deeper one body relationship we have in Christ, our thoughts about marriage goes even deeper and higher. The other mysterious union we have in Christ, John 15, Galatians 3:28, is said in the Bible to “refers to Christ and the church”. Simply our marriage is not first about us, it is first about God and His glory in the ultimate relationship that He has established with man through the gospel of Jesus Christ.
“The mystery is this: God did not create the union of Christ and the church after the pattern of human marriage—just the reverse! He created human marriage on the pattern of Christ’s relation to the church.”[ii]
A key point to remember about marriage and the church is this. Marriage is a one flesh relationship, where we are joined together by God through marriage. The church is a one body relationship where we are joined as one by God through the gospel. Paul uses the one flesh relationship of marriage learned from Genesis 2, to define and explain the relationship between Christ and the church. This is where the similarity between marriage oneness and gospel oneness comes together as demonstrated in the verses above. Therefore, reproducing the gospel and its attributes in your marriage is crucial to marital oneness. The gospel and its truths are the key to marital harmony, success, and oneness.
Next and most importantly, marriage is not and end in itself, God’s glory is, 1 Corinthians 10:31 So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. God’s purpose for your marriage is bigger than your marriage. Its not about a couple building their own lifelong kingdom together but rather it is an expression of seeking God’s kingdom purposes Matthew 6:33, through their marriage for His glory. So ultimately, we should be able to say that our marriage is to seek or pursue God’s kingdom purposes, while being focused on His ultimate glory in and through our marriage. Our goal as the primary focus in our marriage is God’s glory, our primary pursuit in marriage is to reach the goal of pleasing God by being centered upon God’s kingdom purposes. We are one flesh with one goal and one purpose for our marriage.
[i] This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanence, John Piper
[ii] Desiring God, John Piper